Where Has The Love Gone? Why We're Apathetic and Joyless, and How To Get Your Joy Back

Bring The Joy Back

By Deborah L. Kunesh

Copyright Deborah L. Kunesh 2011

I can very much be a "once and done" kind of a person in certain things. Desiring to just do something and then be done with it. Some tasks are unpleasant and we just want to get them over with and move on. But sometimes it's a matter of love missing as being the catalyst for action in these things we have to do.

We have a million things to do and all of these other things are just more items we have to tick off of our to do list.

Water the flowers, clean the bathroom, call Aunt Stacy, respond to emails. We get overwhelmed and we just want some time to relax.

Many know that I also run a website and page dedicated to telling the truth about Michael Jackson...Reflections on the Dance.  Michael always spoke about love.  My good friend and co-admin of the Reflections Facebook page recently said that we need to put love at the center of all we do.  Such a simple concept, and yet, so profound.

A recent study listed in Whole Living magazine showed that 2,200 volunteers used a new app, trackyourhappiness.org to report thoughts, feelings and actions throughout the day and it seems people were happiest when they focused on the task at hand.

We lose focus so easily, we want to be "done" with all we have to do and all that is calling us for more work to be done tomorrow.

If we take our time instead and slow down and really enjoy the process of whatever we're doing, really be "in the moment" and put love at the center of each task, of each day, things start to happen. We enjoy life more. We treat others more kindly. We feel more happiness and joy.

Spend some time today asking yourself how you can start putting love at the center of all you do. 

How can you treat yourself with more love and really take care of yourself? How can you show unselfish love to your family and those you love the most? How can you show love to strangers and those in need? 

We need to replace hatred, anger and hurt, with LOVE. We need to replace apathy and fatigue, with LOVE. We need to replace our own selfish desires, with LOVE. ♥

We have to change our mindset. Which, sometimes, is the most difficult thing to do. We become set in our ways. We are hurt, so we don't want to give up that hurt in order to love. We're tired, exhausted even and we don't have time to do all of the things that need doing, to love, to help. Or, do we?

Have to bathe the dog?  This is a tough one...but try to make it as pleasant an experience as possible...put on some relaxing music to calm the dog, think of it as a loving gesture taking good care of your canine companion who shows so much love towards you.

Is this what you look like doing dishes?  OR...is it more like this...

It's all in the attitude :)  Does your attitude come from exhaustion, anger, fatigue, jealousy, unhappiness because you are not using your God-given gifts?  Does it come from rebellion (you simply do not enjoy or want to do what you have to do), or, does the catalyst for your actions, come from love and finding a way to enjoy the things you have to do?

Some Ideas:

Household Chores:

*Light a candle, put on some relaxing and/or romantic music, and have a small glass of wine while preparing dinner.  Remember, this is not only nourishment for the body, which is essential, but also nourishment for the soul and showing love to yourself and those you love by preparing them a meal.

*While doing dishes, open a window to get some fresh air, light a scented candle by the sink, experiment with different dish detergents to find one that you love using...love the scent, the way it works, the way it makes your kitchen smell, the ingredients.

*When you clean, try some natural aromatherapy cleaning products to make the process more uplifting and to improve your mood.

Taking Care of Yourself:

*Take time out for a warm, scented, relaxing bubble bath, a steam and a facial masque weekly.  Make the time for it.  You deserve it.

*Take some time out each day and just breathe.  Relax.  Get some fresh air.  Laugh.  Talk to a good friend

*If you haven't already, identify your God-given talents and passions and USE THEM!  That's why God gave them  to you :)

Loving Others:

*If you start doing the above, it will be much easier to love others.  When we feel good about ourselves, are using our God-given abilities and are making time for joy, it's easier for that joy to spread.

*Think about what you can do to help someone else today or this week or even this month.  Is there a friend or family member you can do something loving for?  How can you let someone know how much they are appreciated?

*Love, even when it's difficult.  Many times, our lack of ability to love comes from deep-seated hurt from the past, anger or jealousy.  Let go of these emotions, take the above suggestions, make your life what you want it to be and let that love spill over on to others.

*Cook someone a meal, send them a "just because" note or gift, let others know how much they are loved and appreciated.

Giving Back:

*What are the organizations, charities and world needs that speak most to you?  How can you help and give back?  Financially?  By volunteering?  By using your gifts and abilities to help or to spread the word about what matters to you and the things you feel strongest about?

*Sponsor a child and write to them.  Show them love.  Make sure they have food and schooling.

*Can you help in your church?  A local soup kitchen?

*Go through your belongings and give away those things in good condition which you no longer need or use, to help someone else in need.

Think about Martha Stewart and Giada De Laurentis and how there is such passion and such time put into what they do. They put their full efforts into it.  They remain in the moment and take such joy in the "process".  

That's my personal biggest problem.  Not enjoying the "process"  I many times just want to "get this over with" and move on to the next thing so that I can finally relax...the reality of which never seems to come.

This of course, brings to mind Michael Jackson. He was the consummate example of putting all of your effort, passion, time and love into what you do, even when it wasn't convenient and even when he was faced with so much coming against him.  So much hate, anger and false accusations.  He remained in the moment and enjoyed the entire process...from writing the lyrics (though it was inconvenient and sometimes cost him lack of sleep), to perfecting the melody, perfecting the dance, wanting for his fans the very best, top of the line, musical experience.

Sometimes, we look around and there is just so much that needs our attention.   We feel we don't have the time.

But if you look at the important things in life...children, pets, our families, God and our relationship with and faith in Him, taking care of ourselves, our gardens....all of these things require time, effort, nurturing and love. They will wither and die without it.

We have to put aside the fatigue, apathy and many times, lack of desire, and become excited and passionate about life again, about helping others, about putting love back into all we do and have to do.

Concentrate on your giftings first...what you do best, what comes naturally to you, what you're passionate about, and let love begin to flow from that. Let God's love flow through your heart as it did Michael's. Branch out with that love. Once you find your passion and gifts (what you are best at and comes easily to you) and God's love, everything else will flow from that. You will feel at your best and love will flow from there. Ignore those things, and you will only feel fatigued and apathetic. That's when jealousy and anger start to take root and start to create a ripple effect...it goes out into your family, your immediate circle of influence and out into the world.

Put aside the jealousy and anger, find and celebrate your own gifts and USE them for good and all of that will start to fade away and instead of anger being the ripple that goes out into the ocean, it will be love instead and that will grow and spread and love being at the center of all we do, CAN change the world.

Much thanks to my dear friends Sharon and Ester for the inspiration for this blog article.


Look for more ways to implement joy and love into your life in upcoming blog posts! :)